Finding Reason
by Kaline Reine
Summary: Hidan didn't know about Asuma's family. One day he was chopped up six feet under, in the pit Shikamaru had dug for him, and the next he was back together and standing in front of it... He wanted to know the reason. Adult content and angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 1:**

He could remember dying… And what a strange thought that was, in and of itself. To be able to recall even the slightest details should have warped his mind. He remembered the deer, and the look on the Nara boy's face. Shikamaru had laughed at him. He had been careful to remember the boy's name in order to exact his revenge later on. He'd been planning it for a while now, if he ever got out of the pit.

Everything was black, and dark where he lay… Colder than any grave the man could have been in. He was secretly thankful to still be hanging on, even after all this time. But his days were numbered. He had lost track of that number long ago. He could die at any time now.

All he knew was that Jashin would not allow him to go on living immortal like this, without payment in return. And Jashin was the god of death, who enjoyed pain and suffering in all it's many forms. He did too. He would lie there in his pit; his gravel; and think about all the things he did in his lifetime. Each face that he had killed flashed before his eyes. They weren't scary, but they were comforting. They made him smile. He had thoroughly enjoyed taking each and every one of their precious lives from them. It's what made his own worth living. The glory of serving Jashin-sama was a beautiful thing.

The one that haunted him more than the others, was one face in particular… The one that belonged to Shikamaru's sensei. That man was… He haunted him. _Nothing_ had _ever _haunted him! Yet that face; it was everywhere. He would sigh and will it to go away, to let him finish dying in peace.

But dying for an immortal was no easy task. It was a slow and painful thing. He felt as if everything that he had ever known or been was being stripped away, leaving his soul barren. Today was the day. His last day of life, after he'd been buried by the Konoha Ninja. He closed his eyes, for once feeling at peace with the world. He could accept his fate.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Magenta eyes opened to spot a forest of green. Waves of wind billowed through the trees, and he was standing. Fully clothed, he grabbed his scythe. It was to his right. He'd thought the Nara kid had taken it.

_'No one except my family ever comes here.' _

Oh yeah, there would be no point in hiding it. Hidan wondered what had happened to him. His hands wandered over his body, to find that it was now in tact. And he was amazed.

"How the fuck did I get here?" He asked the question aloud, hoping someone would hear it, and answer him. But there was no one. Just him and the silence. "That fucking figures…"

He sat down for a minute, trying to decide what to do. He had been gone for so long, he was probably no longer an Akatsuki member by now. Idly, he wondered if Kakuzu had made it. Not that it mattered. It was everyone for himself. They had made that agreement long ago.

The best plan of action, was probably to try and figure out what had happened to him. And that was what he was going to do. He thought about trying to go back to the Akatsuki. That was probably his best option right now. After all, a missing-nin had nowhere else to go, and Hidan had nothing to do. His mission was over. His comrade was either dead or had moved on without him. And he could not wait to see the look on their Leader's face when he showed up.

Walking on for a few miles, Hidan grudgingly remembered Shikamaru's last words to him. He hated that brat! Part of him was glad to be alive, and part of him was freaked out by it. What if he really was dead right now? By all means, Hidan should have died.

_'Maybe Jashin-sama brought me back for a purpose,'_ He thought, as he kept walking at a leisurely pace._ 'I need to find out why.'_

Surely, he had to be well out of the Nara's territory by now. He didn't know exactly where he was, but he knew that he needed to get back to Akatsuki, and it felt like he was going the right direction. Suddenly, a rustling noise to his right caught his attention. Shifting around, Hidan turned his scythe on them in fury, recognizing the leaf headband as soon as one of them came at him.

One minute he was fighting the ANBU black ops for his life, and the next… One of them had managed to take his scythe from him. Without it, he could still defend himself. But he hadn't managed to cut any of them yet, and as a result, there was not much he could do on the offensive. Hidan was still a bit dizzy from his newly discovered freedom. Or maybe it was all a nightmare? He couldn't be sure. All he knew was one minute, he was lying cold and dead in the ground, and the next… Here he was, fighting for his life once more.

Hidan fully expected to be chopped to bits and thrown back into the pit. But that wasn't what happened. His vision was blurry, after receiving a blow to the head, but he could hear their words.

"What should we do with him?"

"Take him to Tsunade-sama, I guess."

"Who is he? Where'd this guy come from?"

"Who cares. Let's just take him back and get on with the mission."

"Right…"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When Hidan came to, he was in a very official-looking room. It looked like an office. A blonde woman with huge breasts was sitting behind a desk, and staring at him. She looked confused. There was an ANBU standing on each side of him.

"I don't know how you got out of that trap Shikamaru-san set for you, and I don't really think I want to," She began. "But let's hear your side of it, Hidan."

"How do you know my name?" He blinked.

"I am Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage of Konohagakure. It's my job to be well-informed."

Hidan thought for a moment. He was without a weapon, captured by enemies, and no one knew he was here. It would no doubt be best if he told her the unbelievable truth. "To be honest, I don't have a fucking clue what the hell happened. I was underground one minute, and the next… I was standing, with my body fully in tact. Then I was walking when I was attacked by your damn ANBU! And that's all there is to it."

"…I see," She shook her head in disbelief, her pigtails gently swaying across her shoulders. "Be that as it may, we have to decide what to do with you. I feel you may have been aptly punished for your crimes already, however… You can choose to redeem yourself by serving as a Shinobi for the Leaf Village… Or you can rot in jail."

"That isn't really much of a fucking choice."

"Just choose one," She reached for a small stack of papers. Tsunade rolled her eyes. Anything was better than listening to this lunatic's way of speaking. "Before I choose for you."

Hidan didn't need to think about it. "I'll serve as a Shinobi. I don't have anywhere to go back to anyway."

"I don't care to hear about it. You're on a sort of… probation. Until you prove your loyalty."

"And when the fuck will that be?"

"Lose the attitude," There was a clear warning laced in her voice. "Or you may regret it, Hidan-san." She chuckled evilly, and waved her hand in a signal to dismiss the ANBU guards.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When all was said and done, Hidan was given a small set of uniforms, three changes to be exact. It was the standard Shinobi attire, until he could get his own or modify it to his liking. They were much more lenient in Konoha than Akatsuki had been. And Hidan had never liked rules anyway.

He would still be paid for the missions, as long as he completed them. And with each one, he was assured his past misdeeds would be that much more forgiven. At least by Konoha. It was a pretty fair deal, when he thought about it.

Hidan was given an apartment. It was pretty nice, and spacious as well. He was content with his new life, and he had been on several missions. It was by unspoken agreement, however, that the Hokage never gave him a mission with a certain member of the Nara clan. She knew better. Everyone knew what would happen. And so it was kept under wraps as to the whereabouts of Hidan's residence. It was also kept quiet about Shikamaru lived.

They would, inevitably, run into one another some time, some place. But if it could be avoided, it would. Tsunade knew it would be bad. But for now the missing-nin from Hot Springs village was perfectly content in his new life. And he seemed to fit right in with most people in Konoha, despite his temper.

He could still use his immortal powers given to him by Jashin-sama. Hidan took that as a good sign. He used his abilities not to hinder, but to aide the Leaf Village in their missions. He was assigned as an extra, who could join in any team where he was needed. By helping to kill those who had committed crimes against Konoha, or those they were hired to kill, Hidan was given a way to preserve his immortality.

The Hokage's voice filtered through his head from time to time.

_'You can choose to redeem yourself by serving as a Shinobi for the Leaf Village… Or you can rot in jail.'_

Sometimes he would look back on that day and laugh. If he had chosen jail, he would have died there. Somehow, he just knew it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: Not too long ago, I did a poll on my profile page asking what kind of crack pairing my readers wanted to see. This is the one that won. I hope you enjoy it, and I know it may seem confusing at first, but I promise it won't be so bad. I am not used to writing angst fics, and I can tell you now that this will be a very sad and angsty fic. Just letting you know, in case you missed the warnings. The updates for this will be slower than my usual fics, so I hope you can forgive me for that. I have a lot going on at the moment. But it WILL continue! I know it was short, but hopefully the next few chapters will be longer. I'll try. In any case, please review. I'd love to know what you think of it so far.**

-Kaline Reine


	2. Chapter 2

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 2:**

When all was said and done, Hidan was given a small set of uniforms, three changes to be exact. It was the standard Shinobi attire, until he could get his own or modify it to his liking. They were much more lenient in Konoha than Akatsuki had been. And Hidan had never liked rules anyway.

He would still be paid for the missions, as long as he completed them. And with each one, he was assured his past misdeeds would be forgiven. What had been given to them so undeservedly, Hidan took it upon himself to take away.

He was immersed in these thoughts, likening it to a test of his inner strength… When he passed by the graveyard memorial, where Konoha bury their dead. He had stopped there once or twice, feeling pity for the lost souls. But it was only a small amount; nearly untraceable. Today it was raining out, only a little bit. Small pure drops fell onto his head, drenching his clothes and giving his hair an even more slicked-back appearance than was usual. It was the rainy season right now. It lit everything in a sort of sad, yet humble mood.

A woman was leaving the graveyard, just as he passed by. Hidan didn't pay much attention to her. But she did have striking red eyes. She was looking at his eyes curiously too. He smirked, when he realized the reason. His were of an odd color too.

There was a delicate moment of silence between them. Hidan wondered why this lady was in the graveyard. Did she know someone who…? No, it was better not to ask. From the look he had seen her with only moments ago, she was still grieving over it.

She smiled at him then. The only sound was the pitter-patter of raindrops falling around them. And it was sad, like her tears that he was sure had fallen sometime today. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, he noted. There was no longer any doubt that she'd been crying. Raven black hair hung lowly near her shoulders, in long wet tendrils. Yet even so, she smiled at him. And in that moment, it lit his whole world.

Finally, ruby-red lips parted to speak, but she stopped. Then started again. "Are you new in town? I haven't seen you around before."

"I'm a new Shinobi. I just moved here," And for the most part, that statement was true.

She was silent, but nodded gently. Hidan took it as a good sign that she was still smiling. There was an unspoken agreement that they say no more. It was a simple moment. Neither would make any more out of it. The two started walking at the same time. Hidan glanced over at her again, trying not to stare. He couldn't help but notice she was going in the same direction as him. She stayed with him until they reached his apartment building. She went in after him.

"Can I fucking help you with something?" His tone was sharp, biting… cutting.

Kurenai's eyes widened in surprise. He had seemed like such a nice man at first. "N-no… I… I was just going home. To my apartment. Why are you here?"

"This is where _my_ apartment is," He laughed suddenly.

She'd never heard anyone laugh like that. It was the laugh of a madman. But surely he was sane? Right? The Leaf Village would never let a crazy person become a Shinobi. Right?

"Looks like we're neighbors then," The silver-haired man chuckled nervously. "Do you… ah… wanna come to my place for coffee or something?"

Deciding to chance it, just this once… "Sure. I'd like that."

The gracious smile never left her lips, as Kurenai followed the man all the way up the long flight of stairs that led to his apartment. Apparently his was one floor up from hers.

His apartment was a little messy, but nothing too bad. Kurenai took a brief look around, before sitting across from him at a small table near the window. It was a pretty scenic look. The view was different from her own window.

Muscular arms looked a bit odd preparing the warm coffee. It was such a strange thing for Hidan to do. Even the woman seemed to notice it. He wasn't used to this. But he felt it was nice to finally have someone else here, besides just himself. Soon he had finished in the kitchen, and was pouring them both a hot cup of the freshly brewed deep caramel-colored liquid. He put some cream and sugar on the table. He wasn't sure how she liked her coffee.

"So…" He licked his lips, sitting down and getting ready to voice the question that had been weighing heavily on his mind ever since he'd first seen her. "What were you doing at the memorial?"

Kurenai hesitated, looking away. She stared at the coffee that warmed her hands, choosing to put nothing in it at all. She took small sips.

"The man I loved… He was a Konoha Shinobi. But… He was killed in the line of duty. I'm a Kunoichi."

"I've never seen you around," Hidan cocked his head to one side. "Why aren't you working anymore?"

"It's because…" Crimson stained lips pursed awkwardly together. She still could not meet his gaze. "I can't right now."

It wasn't that Kurenai wanted to lie. She just didn't feel it was fitting to tell a stranger the details of her intimate life. Stranger though he was, it did not feel strange for her to be here with him. No, it all felt perfectly normal and natural. She smiled then, despite her pain.

"Well that fucking sucks," Hidan assumed she must be injured.

The two shared their warm drinks in silence.

"I don't even know your name…" The girl muttered.

"It's Hidan. And you are…? Besides being beautiful, I mean."

She gave him an odd look then. Maybe he'd said the wrong thing. "Kurenai." She seemed completely unphased by it, barely taking notice to what he'd said.

_ 'She said she was in love before, you fucked up idiot!'_ He mentally ranted to himself. _'Can't move too fast… And besides she is beautiful, but do you like her?'_ He thought about this for a moment.

By the time he realized what was happening, she was getting up to leave. The truth was, Kurenai was feeling nauseous.

"I have to go," She explained hastily. "Thank you for your kindness, Hidan-san. I won't forget it."

Before he could say anything, or even lead her to the door, she was gone. He smirked. She seemed upset. And fortunately, Hidan had a weakness for weak women.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kurenai was thinking about Asuma again. She didn't know how he died, only that he had been killed in battle; on a mission. The details of all field-related deaths were kept classified, even to her.

She thought of how Hidan's kindness reminded her of the man that she had loved. Asuma had been so close and dear to her heart. That was why they had decided to have a kid together. It was really hard to do this on her own. She had Shikamaru, who had always offered to help her. But he was not Asuma. There was something in Hidan's eyes… It was like someone had set things up this way; sent him to look after her in Asuma's absence.

She missed her lover dearly. They were going to be married soon, but they'd never seen the need; never made it quite that far. But he had asked her. She had accepted, knowing without doubt that he was the one for her…

And then he was gone.

Like a cloud, like some wandering, uncertain dream, the man had left her. Kurenai was alone, to fend for herself once more.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: Sorry if this update was a little slow. I tried. Lol. This is supposed to be kind of an angsty fic. I think you can guess why. *evil giggle* I love crack pairings. This would be so interesting, if it were to happen in the show. XD**

I tried to update my other fic but over half of it got deleted so I am updating this one instead. I wrote this in about 2 days. Enjoy.

-Kaline Reine


	3. Chapter 3

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 3:**

Time passed; the days came and went. After their first encounter, Hidan never chanced to meet the woman again. In a weird sort of way, he kind of missed her. It was still raining out, a dreary week it had been. But this was the rainy season, and that was to be expected. He tended to think it had to do with her absence, but… That was just silly… Right?

_ 'That's ridiculous!' _The former-Akatsuki thought. _'I don't miss her! How can I fucking miss her?! I don't know the bitch!' _

Though he said that, he knew that he did, in fact care for her.

_ 'I said I don't! I don't, I don't, I don't want to see her… I don't miss her!' _He continued his inner mantra. Until finally…_ 'But it couldn't hurt to check on her. Maybe she's hurt? Or maybe something happened?' _

At that exact moment, there were a thousand terrifying things running through Hidan's mind. He was sick of waiting. He'd always been patient, when it counted. But it had been just over a week since the little minx had sat so prettily across from him, and sipped the coffee he'd made for them. She hadn't finished hers, seeming to leave in such a rush like that, but he wouldn't hold it against her.

Grabbing his sandals, he hurriedly attempted to put them on. But the damned things were just so– "Fuck it!" He tossed them to the side. _'There's no time for that!'_

He knew he was acting crazy. Irrationally, even. The rational part of his mind was trying to tell him everything was fine. And that he shouldn't expect to see her; she is a stranger after all… But still, he could not ignore that painful feeling in his gut. It was like instinct, only stronger. Hidan didn't know why, but he knew he needed to see her again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alone. Collapsed on the floor. Crying. Hugging her knees to her chest. This was the position someone would have found her in, had they burst through Kurenai's door. She'd been having a lot of mixed feelings lately, and the handsome new stranger that she had such feelings for was making her feel very guilty over Asuma's death.

As if she didn't feel guilty enough already… She still remembered

the last words she had said to him when he left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
_  
"I'll only be gone a short time. This seems like a quick mission, and it's pretty close by."_

Asuma hadn't lied to his love. But he knew that in her condition, it would be very bad for her to worry like he knew she would anyway. There was just no way he could tell her he had an urgent S-Rank mission to fight Akatsuki.

"Promise me you'll be careful?"

Embracing her one last time before he left, he gave her a kiss. "I promise to be as careful as I can; like I always am. You are the love of my life…"

Kurenai blushed, the way she always had when he said such sweet things to her. He had this rough way about him when they were in the presence of others. But get him to himself and Asuma was really charming. He only said these things to her. He only loved her. And that made her feel so special.

"See you when you get back," She had replied, absentmindedly as he kissed her cheek. She had been lost in her own thoughts, and forgotten to say 'I love you'.

He gave her still-small stomach a quick rub, as if he were saying goodbye to the baby that was steadily growing inside. It was the last time she would see him the very last time he would ever touch her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*END OF FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. She couldn't imagine who it could be. Kurenai had no one to visit her. Shikamaru had once promised her that he would take care of her and the baby. But he hadn't been able to really keep that promise as much as he would have liked. He was incredibly busy with missions these days. Not that she minded. It was just odd that someone would care enough to drop by.

Gathering her strength, she slowly made her way up off the bed. She dried her eyes, and went to the door. She was only wearing a small maroon dress, but she didn't care at the moment.

"Hidan-san?" She blinked in shock when the tall gray-haired man stood at her door. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" He asked boldly.

"W-why?"

"I was worried about you."

"Don't."

She made to close the door then. Kurenai wanted him to go away; she wanted so badly not to feel the guilt like she did. Asuma was gone, and she could not bring herself to love another, not this soon. Even if he was just a male friend, she didn't feel right. People would see them together, and they would talk. It was wrong of her to do that. It somehow soiled all of her wonderful memories with her Jounin.

Hidan stopped her from closing the door. "You haven't left your apartment in over a week. I have every damn right to worry."

No longer asking, he stepped into her apartment. Amazingly, she made no move to stop him. But the brunette didn't encourage it either.

Hidan looked around. Her apartment was nice, just like her. It was classy, but it had a very simple charm about it, that just made it all the more appealing. The living room looked more like a library than anything else. And he noticed there was no television. Even he had one. But maybe she just didn't want one? She had red poppies growing in her window. He loved poppies, especially red. It reminded him of blood.

"How do you know I haven't left in over a week?" She closed the door behind them, assuming he would leave when he was ready. Kurenai just went and sat in her chair. There was a large round table in front of her.

Hidan sat opposite her, in another chair of a different color, and did not hesitate to prop his feet on the table. She glared at them, but didn't comment.

"Your doormat is completely fucking dry. And it's been raining all week. Everyone else has wet doormats."

"Wet doormats… I see," She replied flatly. "Well Hidan-san, to what do I owe the nature of your visit?"

"Concern. I know you really want to stay here alone. I can tell you're the loner type, just like me. But it would be really nice if you wanted to join me for dinner. I'm alone too."

"Alone?" She voiced her thoughts aloud. Did this man know what it was like to be truly, utterly, and completely alone in the world? If it were anyone else, she would have doubted it. But there was something in his eyes that just told her that he was a man with a past. And from what she could tell from his mannerisms, it was a painful one. What harm could it do? "It might be nice to get out of this drab apartment for a while."

She smiled at him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The whole way there, everyone who saw the two together whispered about them. Kurenai didn't care. Hidan didn't seem like he did either. In fact, neither of them even commented on it. Despite the way people stared, they chose to ignore all of it.

Hidan knew people would talk about him. He never was very social, and it had remained that way, even after he moved to Konoha. Kurenai felt like people were staring at her. Each of them had no idea it was more to do with who they were and what had happened on that fateful day when Sarutobi Asuma had died.

While they were out, it had begun to rain a little. When would these storms come to an end? They had both agreed on a charming little cafe, just on the outskirts of town. Things would be much quieter for them if they avoided the center of town. They each had their own reasons why they wanted to avoid people. The place they had chosen served mostly sandwiches, but it was a nice change from ramen or military food. They just sat and enjoyed their meal.

"You're not eating," Hidan spoke up, after a long but comfortable silence. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just… I don't feel very well lately."

If she had been honest with him, Kurenai would have said that it was morning sickness. While it was true that it was no longer morning, she was sick. And she was sure that it was the baby. It might have had something to do with stress too.

She knew she probably tell him she is pregnant but for some reason she just wouldn't. It seemed too personal. And he never asked. It never felt like the right time for her to bring it up. It was kind of a difficult thing to work into a conversation, after all.

"You should tell me more about yourself," It was like he knew she was hiding something, but couldn't tell what it was. "I mean… If you ever need someone to talk to or… fuck, I don't know!"

She laughed then. It was so easy for her to cheer up around him. That was a good sign. "It's alright, Hidan-san. I know you mean well. I've just been depressed."

"I remember what you said about the man you loved."

"Yeah…" Sadly, she looked down, staring at her uneaten food in disgust.

"I'm sure he would want you to eat," He grinned widely, trying his best to stay happy and keep the mood light for her. Hidan had learned that emotions were most often contagious, and being around depressed people can make one depressed. The same was true for happiness. "You don't want to be one of those anorexic chicks, right? I mean not only is it fucking disgusting, it isn't very good for you either."

She still just sat there, looking as if her mind was clouded by something. Hidan didn't have the faintest clue what to do. But he knew she had to eat. He didn't know why her not eating bothered him so much. It just did. So he did the only thing he could… Taking a piece of her sandwich from her plate, he broke a small piece off and held it to her lips.

Kurenai was surprised. No one had ever done this for her before. She'd only ever seen kids, mostly schoolchildren at the academy, do this. But it was cheering her up. And when she looked at Hidan's face, she could just see that he was so happy to help her. With a small sigh, and slight roll of her eyes, she smiled and took the offered bite. He smiled back at her. She felt a connection, which she tried to block out from her mind.

"See? It's good. There's nothing wrong with it."

She sighed again, looking away. The Kunoichi could not hide her faint blush. "Thank you, Hidan-san…"

"Stop being so fucking formal. Just call me Hidan?"

"Okay…"

He noticed that she still didn't eat anymore. So Hidan, being the stubborn man that he was, kept feeding her. "Jashin-sama wouldn't want you to starve yourself, you know."

"Jashin-sama?"

"Yeah. He's the god that I worship."

Religious differences? Kurenai never thought that this would come up. Almost everyone in Konoha was of the Shinto faith. "Oh? Tell me more." She was curious now.

Hidan took a bite of his own lunch, and started telling her his long, dramatic story. Kurenai was fascinated to learn that he was originally from the hot springs village. She'd only heard of it from civilians, as they were among the most peaceful of the Ninja villages. He had told her how he was shunned by everyone, proving that she had been right in assuming that he knew what true loneliness was. He was wondering what she would think when she found out that he used to be in Akatsuki.

He had just gotten to the part where the Jashinists had given him a new lease on life, when they were interrupted. A certain pink-haired Kunoichi had come in, making Kurenai very comfortable, very quickly.

"I'm so sorry to cut this short, Hidan-san…" She practically whispered to him across the table. "But I need to get going now."

"At least let me walk you back. I don't have any missions today or anything."

She flashed him a smile. "Alright."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: It is not really in Hidan's nature to love. We all know that. In the beginning of this chapter, it was kind of like I was arguing with him about his feelings for Kurenai. Lol. That was funnnnn… He digs her. You knows it. XD I know they were probably OOC but that is on purpose. I write the characters how I want to. They have to fit with the plot. I'm still proud of how this one is coming along. I'm not rushing it as much as the others, for some reason.**

-Kaline Reine  



	4. Chapter 4

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 4:**

Hot lips pressing into hers. It was all she felt within her lonely world. They heated her from the inside out, making her tingle all over. Kurenai felt something flutter deep within her lower belly.  
_  
'Was that a… a kick?'_ She questioned herself silently, not wanting to break the kiss with Hidan.

On the way home, they had taken a shortcut through a side alley, because of the rain. Hidan had been enchanted by the way she moved, and just… everything about her made him happy. He did feel slightly bad knowing that she had just gotten out of a relationship with someone else, but that was okay with him. As long as she was alright with it, and she seemed like she was.

He didn't want to rush things, but when they had stopped to avoid being seen by someone she knew, they were left with nothing to do but stare into each other's eyes. Hers were a deep, vivid red. They were enchanting. He knew he had an odd eye color too, and assumed that was what she was staring at as well. Little did he know she was getting lost in his eyes.

As soon as she took a timid step forward, he pulled her against his chest, their eyes still locked. He closed his eyes, lowered his lips to hers, and hoped for the best. Hidan never was one to go against his own nature. If something felt right to him, he did it.

Bravely deciding to deepen the kiss, he forcefully pushed his tongue past her lips. Everything Hidan did to anyone was always a little on the forceful side. But it was that much easier for things to get hot and heavy between them. Kurenai liked it rough as well… But she did worry for the safety of her baby. The only thing that crossed her mind, when his tongue caressed her own, was that she really should tell him that she was pregnant, before things got too far.

"Mmm…"

Was that a moan from her? Hidan shuddered at the thought of this gorgeous woman wanting him as much as he wanted her. He decided this was a good time to pull away, before someone caught them.

"We… we should go," Kurenai echoed his thoughts.

He nodded, and took her hand, leading her back to their shared apartment building.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tsunade was surprised to see Sakura walk into her office. "You look so determined, Sakura-chan. What is this about?"

"I saw something and I thought you should know…" She looked really scared. Her pink hair was strewn across her face, and clinging to her skin from the rain. "I'll get right to the point. I saw Kurenai kissing someone."

"That's none of my business. I can't believe you're wasting my time for-"

"Wait… What would you say if I told you it was Hidan-san?"

Tsunade's mouth hung open. She couldn't make any words come forth right now. This was bad. _Very_ bad. "Did you say anything to them?" Sakura shook her head no. "it's ironic but we think about it logically here. Do they… _know_?"

"I'm pretty sure they both have no idea. That's why I didn't say anything to them. I know it's none of my business but… I thought you should know. What will you do, Hokage-sama?"

"We'll wait. Until someone complains, I'll do nothing. It isn't my place to interfere. I think we should wait and see how the village reacts to it first."

Sakura bowed and left the room. She'd done her good deed. That was it. And Tsunade was right, it was none of their business.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hidan panicked that day. As soon as he walked her to her door, he went to his apartment abruptly. He needed time to think about all of this. He's just kissed her, and he had no idea of how he felt about her yet. This wasn't good. Running his hands through his gray locks, he sank down into the floor.

–––––––––––-

Kurenai was starting to worry. She hadn't seen Hidan since the incident in the rain that day. Many things went though her mind. Why hadn't he come back? Did he lose interest? Or was he just as scared of these strange new feelings as she was?

Over the past few days she had missed Asuma terribly. And to make it worse, she had to go to the store today. Her somewhat small supply of groceries in the apartment was dwindling down. She had a lot of stocking up to do. It was just one worry right after another. And to top it all off, she was starting to show.

With a sigh, she got dressed and fixed her hair. When she examined herself in front of the full-length mirror in her room, she saw that her stomach was hanging over the top of her pants just a little. It was going to obvious that she was with child soon. She had to tell Hidan about it, if she was serious about him. But that was the problem… She wasn't sure if she was. She didn't really know what they had between them yet. But she had to find out, and there was only one way to do that.

Ignoring the fluttering feeling that meant her baby was kicking, she got her purse and went out the door. It was at times like these when she really missed being a Kunoichi. For now, she would just have to play the part of a civilian. She'd been removed from active duty, until after the baby was born.

Once she'd made it up the seemingly endless stairs, she knocked just twice on Hidan's door, before it was opened. It was almost like he'd been expecting her. But that was just silly. What was she, sixteen?

_ 'Get real,' _She had to remind herself.

Hidan answered the door wearing only a pair of pants, and no shirt. He looked like he'd just gotten out of the shower. His hair was damp, and still clinging to his shoulders. It was a good look for him. She smiled, looking up at him.

"Kurenai-chan?" He looked surprised to see her knocking at his door. "I'm glad you came. Did you need something, or…?"

"Sorry, I know it's early… I was wondering… If you have time, that is… Can you go with me to get some food? I'm running low and I know I have to get a lot of things. I don't know if I can carry all of it."

That was completely true. She became nervous, waiting for his answer.

"Sure, I'll go with you. Just.. Give me one minute?"

He dashed off before she could say anything else. Not to be rude, he did leave the door slightly ajar, but Kurenai waited patiently in the hall. Her nails scratched idly at some paint that was peeling on the doorframe. Moments later, he came back wearing a white T-shirt and dark green jacket to go with his black pants. He had to stop himself from holding her hand as they walked. That was just silly. Hidan didn't even know why he'd almost done it.

"I wanted to talk to you today anyway," She stated, sounding nervous.

He'd been dreading this. She was going to ask him what he wanted in a relationship, or from her, and he wasn't even sure. Hidan panicked, trying to find a good distraction.

"Ah, so what are we fucking shopping for today?"

Kurenai winced at his bad language. She'd known a lot of Ninjas in her day, and none of them had ever talked like that. "I told you, groceries…"

"Right well… I could use a few things too."

They continued to make small talk all the way there, carefully dancing around any issues they might have had. It may have been smart to do this, if not for one thing. Kurenai had planned to tell Hidan that she was pregnant. Granted it wasn't his, but she felt that he had a right to know. Of course he did! Even as a friend, he should know of the life she was carrying within her. Deep down, she was afraid he would lose all interest in her. And she didn't want that to happen.

But the moment was never right, and she was never able to tell him. It didn't really seem to matter, because their shopping went smoothly. Hidan, stubborn as ever, insisted on carrying all of the bags except one. It was the least he could do.

On their way home, they passed one of the Jounin. Shikamaru Nara. He paused, only long enough to raise his hand in greeting to Kurenai, when something else caught his eye.

"What– how did you– _YOU_!" He shouted, his eyes clearly showing his fear in them, as he stopped in the middle of the street, and gawked and pointed at Hidan. "How did you get out?!"

"I don't fucking know," Hidan could feel a knot forming in his stomach. He prayed the guy wouldn't say anything. "I woke up one day and I was like this. The Hokage gave me a fucking pardon, and I've been serving Konoha just like you for a long time."

Kurenai was staring at them. She had no idea what was going on. That was what made Shikamaru decide to inform both of them.

"Kurenai-chan… What are you doing with this guy? Do you know who he is?"

"Is it that bad, Shikamaru?" She glared at him, not understanding. "Why are you getting so worked up?"

"This is the man who killed Asuma-sensei!" Shikamaru turned to Hidan after he'd told her all she needed to know. "That is the woman… who's lover you killed! She's pregnant with his child, and you killed the father!"

Kurenai paused, shocked at what she was hearing. She was speechless. Recognition dawned on her…_ 'Hidan… I knew I'd heard that name somewhere before.' _Before she could compose herself enough to answer, she'd found her legs carrying her away. She held her stomach as she ran, knowing it wasn't good for the baby.

"You bastard!" Hidan spat. "I'll never fucking forgive you for this! How the hell was I supposed to know who she was?!"

"If you had asked her, you would know."

It was such a simple answer, it really only pissed Hidan off more. She had told him about the man she used to love. But he never made the connection until now. Even if he heard this name, Hidan doubted he would have remembered. He had to go after her, he–

There was a hand on his shoulder.

The Nara was talking to him, but in his violent rage, he barely heard the words. "I'm warning you… Stay away from her."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: Oh, the angst. This fic is so sad… I hope you like the plot I have worked out, though. It's pretty interesting. I promise things will get slightly better soon. It takes major patience to write this fic, so I'm sure it will take patience to read it too. Even so, I wish I had more reviews for this. It's been pretty discouraging so far. Not that the reviews are bad just… I wish there were more of them.**

-Kaline Reine


	5. Chapter 5

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work**.

**Chapter 5:**

All night, Hidan stayed awake. He had seen her just turn tail and run after Shikamaru's comment, in the marketplace. It was just his luck that the only girl he liked was taken by a dead man. He'd never be able to take Asuma's place, and he knew that now.

But he knew he wouldn't listen to what that little prick had said, either. It was up to him who he stayed away from. And it wouldn't be her. Yet all day, he'd been keeping her groceries captive. She'd only gotten away with one bag. He knew that wasn't enough to last her. He would have to take her food to her. But he was dreading it, for some reason. So here he was, beating himself up over whether or not he would go and talk to her about it.

She obviously hadn't known who he was, or what he had done. Kurenai would never want anything to do with him again. He'd taken her love away from her; torn it apart with cold, cruel, brutal hands. And that wasn't the worst part… The part that scared him was that he knew if he had the chance, he would have done it again.

He had been in Akatsuki back then. And it was his mission. Even if he knew the man he was killing had a family, it would not have deterred him from his mission. Hidan wanted to stop killing people, but even now, as a Konoha Shinobi, he knew that he couldn't. Not if he wanted to go on living, which he _did_, thank you very fucking much.

Yet even all of his reminiscing could not take his mind off the woman, all alone in her apartment. He didn't know she was pregnant. Maybe that's what she was going to talk to him about. Hell, he didn't know. Instead of being afraid, he should have let her say whatever was on her mind. He eyed the bags sitting in the corner with distaste. They had to make it to their owner.

Hidan picked up all of them, loading them one at a time onto his arms, and carried them down to Kurenai's level. Using his foot, he knocked on the door. There was no answer, even though he knew she was home. And she had to know he knew she was home. And he knew it!

Sighing heavily, he put them all down outside her door. The Jashinist knocked one more time, before walking away. Just before he turned the corner, his keen hearing picked up the sound of the door opening. Kurenai came out, and took the stuff inside, one bag at a time, without so much as a word to him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kurenai wondered why god was punishing her like this… it wasn't fair at all! The one man that she had feelings for, the first since Asuma had died, was the one who had killed him.

Thinking about god reminded her of Jashin. She smiled to herself then, despite her predicament. It was sweet of him to bring back her groceries. She knew it wasn't right for her to run off like she did, but she just didn't know what else to do. She couldn't face Hidan, knowing who he was. And now he knew that she hadn't told him about being pregnant either.

Even though Asuma was dead, she felt happy with Hidan. It was happiness that she shouldn't have been able to feel again, but she had felt it; no matter how brief. She had no idea he was a killer until Shikamaru had told her so.

She thought about the kind of man who would kill her lover… He would have to be completely ruthless and heartless. But Hidan wasn't any of those things, as far as she could tell. He also wasn't in Akatsuki anymore, he had changed. No, she was certain now that it had been a completely different man who had killed her sweet Asuma.

Still, over time, she stayed away from him. She knew that it may not be right, but she was afraid of what he would say to her, knowing the truth; knowing that she had lied about the pregnancy. Well, she hadn't lied. But she hadn't been entirely truthful either. Perhaps that was just as bad? Either way, she just didn't feel like dealing with him, or facing the truth just yet. So she kept to herself, avoiding the man like the plague, at all costs.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hidan felt so bad, because he knew she was struggling. A mother-to-be should not have to worry about all of the things that she did. He'd found out a little more about her from the other Shinobi, when he'd been away on another mission.

Kurenai was a Kunoichi. She couldn't work because of the pregnancy, and now she was broke. This was proven to be true, when he passed by her door, on his way back from the mission, and saw what was taped to it. Normally he would not have been so nosey, but… The gleaming white piece of paper had caught his eye. It was an eviction notice.

_ 'This isn't good,' _He thought, instantly wanting to talk to her about it.

He nocked on her door again, but there was no answer. He kept trying, but it was in vain. He finally just went home.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was drawing nearer to time for her to have the baby. Kurenai hadn't exactly grown lonely these last few weeks, but she still missed Hidan.

Being a petite woman, she hadn't really started to show that severely until later on. As such, Sakura was traveling with her, on a special assignment from Tsunade. Her job was a simple one: to help Kurenai with things until the baby came.

Shikamaru was helping too, because of his promise to her and Asuma, but because of his hatred for a certain silver-haired man, he wanted no part of going near her apartment building. He promised everyone that he would not try to kill Hidan now that he had changed… Yet even Shikamaru didn't believe it. He only saw the same Satan-worshiping man that he had once fought. Sakura had tried, numerous times, to explain the truth to him, but it had done nothing to change his mind.

Kurenai wasn't really looking forward to ignoring him. Yet she wouldn't let herself be so weak as to go looking to him for help, though. She knew she'd get the money to stave off the eviction somehow.

She hadn't told anyone about the eviction notice she'd gotten a few months ago. Her time was almost up; it was running out. And she had nowhere to go. But she supposed the Hokage would find some way to provide lodging for her. Most Shinobi didn't get pregnant at all, or if they did, they had enough money to cover it. She had almost made it to the end of her pregnancy, but she had run short. If Asuma was here, he would have taken care of her.

Some days she would just stay in her tiny apartment, and sob into her pillow. She knew that being upset wasn't good for the baby, so she tried her best to be strong, and smile most of the time. Oddly enough, she found that her baby was most active when she thought of Hidan. But she tried not to think about him; to put him completely out of her mind.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hidan was going crazy. He knew it for certain now. He wanted to go to her, to hold her, and to tell her it was all okay. He'd seen the notice they had left on her door, and he saw how those people had to help her with everything. She really needed a man right now. The pink-haired Kunoichi was nice to have on hand, but she wasn't a man. He was convinced that she needed him, for some reason he couldn't explain.

"Kurenai…" He breathed into the dark silence that had surrounded him.

He had a mission in a few days. He was sure that sacrificing more people, and helping Konoha at the same time, would get his mind off her. But did he want that? Maybe he just didn't_ want_ his mind off her.

No, he wanted to talk to her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: I am so tired after writing all of this chapter… But at least I got it done. I'm having fun with this, believe it or not. I'm surprised that there is so little talking in this chapter. This story will be over soon. Ah, the twisted irony. I love it. I know this chapter was short but the next one will be considerably longer. This seems to time-skip a lot, and I'm sorry about that. But it's necessary. I want to thank everyone who is taking the time to read this. And to the anonymous person who reviewed last chapter, thank you so much! :) Your review gave me the courage to go on. I have decided to try and update this story more often. It was never meant to be a long story and dragging it out is just silly, and would result in bad writing. But I'll be updating this more frequently now.  
**

**-Kaline Reine**


	6. Chapter 6

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 6:**

Hidan was on his way back to his apartment to get cleaned up. It was a hot day, when he got back. He'd been sweating all the way back. He was dirty, and a mess. He probably looked a train wreck but right now, he didn't care. All he wanted was to go back to his apartment and have a nice long shower, to wash all the blood and grime away.

He took the same route he had always taken. It was the quickest way home. As he was walking by the cemetery, a familiar form caught his gaze. It was unlike the first time they had met here. Today, the sun was shining, glistening radiantly in her onyx colored hair. He paused when he saw her, before finally settling on walking away before he was spotted.

At that moment, something told Kurenai to go home. She had no business still mourning the death of a man who was never coming back. But Konoha held such high respect for their dead, that they would never say anything to her about it.

She began the long walk home, before she saw someone she never expected to see. She hadn't run into Hidan in along time. She smiled to herself at the way he hadn't seen her. She had fallen in step only a few places behind him, and was feeling quite proud of herself for not giving in, and calling out to him… No matter how badly she wanted to; she hadn't done it. That's what mattered. But then, why did she feel like she was dying on the inside?

They walked on in silence, both acutely aware, but neither daring to speak to the other. Slowly, as they neared the apartment building, Kurenai felt her one chance slipping away from her.

"Hidan-kun!" She called out to him, at last catching up and falling in step with the elusive Shinobi. He gave her a sad questioning look, but stayed silent. He looked hurt. "I never had the chance to tell you… I'm glad you're not in Akatsuki anymore."

She did have the chance to tell him… Once. He had brought her groceries that she had left with him, in favor of running away from everything. She could also have talked to him on any of the days that he spent, lonely and locked away inside of his apartment, just as she did in hers. But strangely, though he was angry at her, he just couldn't bring himself to continue holding it against her. When standing face-to-face with it, he was more angry at himself, than anyone.

He only spoke one word. It summed up a lot. There was a lot of hidden emotion behind that single syllable.

"Why?"

Kurenai stood still for a moment. That had taken her by surprise. It was a question that she didn't know the answer to; one she never thought she'd have to face.

"Because then I never would have been able to make such a nice friend."

Her warm smile melted his heart in an instant. "You're just fucking saying that."

She thought about his language. It was a strange thing to consider at a time like this. But nonetheless, Kurenai hoped that the angry words could not reach little ears. But she found it endearing the way he cursed so much. It seemed to suit him, somehow.

She put a comforting arm on his shoulder, as they paused, just in front of their apartment building. "Look… I know that you were a different person back then. I can see it in your eyes. And I know… That Asuma's death was not your fault."

Her words got to him. Hidan's eyes, for the first time in his entire life, held tears within their depths.

"But it was still me. I did that to you, Kurenai-chan. And I never knew… I never thought…"

"I forgive you, Hidan."

That was the most bizarre thing that had happened to him. He'd seen all kinds of strange things. But this was undoubtedly the strangest, by far. It was even more odd that he could not forgive himself for it…

"I'll never forgive me," He tried to hide a tear that slipped down his cheek, but Kurenai had already seen it.

She went to him then, to comfort him. As much as she wanted things to be better between, the fact was they were going to have to work at it.

Hidan just stayed there, leaning against the wall for support and letting himself be held. He was a killer; a ruthless murderer. And this pregnant woman was trusting him enough to hug him right now. Even though at any minute, she could-

"Oh _shit_!!!" His scream echoed off the walls. "Kurenai-chan!" He pointed at the ground. "You– you're–_ Oh my Jashin_!!! What the fuck do we _do_?!"

She hadn't noticed, but her water had just broke. They had hoped Sakura would be nearby when it happened. But now she was with Hidan.

"Don't let it bother you," She advised. "This is normal, just stay calm. I've got to get to the hospital. It's not far. We can finish talking later, Hidan-san." She bowed, and turned to go on her way. She knew she had to hurry…

"Are you fucking crazy?!"

Very carefully, he picked her up in his arms, and hurried off.

"What are you doing?"

"We have to hurry!" His voice still had a freakishly high pitch. Hidan had never faced this kind of thing before, and he didn't know what to do.

She let her arms hold onto his neck, to steady herself. This was probably faster than any other way but it wasn't really that far. Their apartment wasn't that far away from the hospital. Kurenai was nervous and scared but at the same time, she felt comforted by the fact that Hidan was there. It was completely unexpected, but him holding her, and being so near her was so comforting. She was almost regretful when they reached the Konoha Hospital only a few minutes later.

Hidan didn't put her down until they were inside, and a nurse brought a wheelchair for her. Apparently they had been expecting her.

"I'll go with you," He found himself saying, though it was uncalled for. He needed to know how all of this turned out.

"I don't think you're allowed to-"

The nurse who was wheeling her into the back smiled at them. "He can go with you, if you want him to."

Hidan seemed grateful. So did Kurenai. "Y-yes, that's fine…" She finally got the courage to answer.

She didn't have anyone else to go with her. She was in a state of panic. The mother-to-be needed someone to be there with her, for comfort. And right now, the only one who could comfort her was Hidan. She _needed _him with her. And he knew it as well.

Feelings and emotions don't always makes sense. People try to make sense of them, but sometimes it's just not possible. This was one of those times. Kurenai tried to explain to herself, despite the pains of labor she was feeling all along, just why it was that she needed him to be with her so very badly. It was the strangest urge, but he seemed to want to be there for her too. So who was she to stop it?

Once she'd made it into the back, there were a few nurses and doctors there with her. Hidan was at her side the whole time, and they never asked him to leave. They knew he wasn't the father, but that didn't seem to matter at a time like this. The last thing the hospital wanted to do was to upset a mother while she was giving birth.

"The owner of the apartments," Kurenai was telling Hidan, while she was resting in between contractions. "He's kicking me out…"

"I saw the fucking notice. But right now probably isn't the best time to talk about it, doll."

She smiled at the pet name, and squeezed his hand tighter. Despite this, she continued on with her story. "They only gave me until after the baby is born… And then I'll have to find somewhere else to stay."

Hidan smirked. She was most likely delirious from pain. That had to be why she was acting like this. Labor and childbirth usually brought out the worries in everyone. He was worried too, but not about the baby. He was more concerned with it's mother.

"Just calm down… Everything will be fine. You'll see." He squeezed her hand back, just a little.

There was no time to think, as she gave just one last push. She'd been trying for a while now. And finally, Kurenai's baby was born. It wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"Congratulations," The doctor who had delivered the baby told her. "It's a boy."

"What will you name the little guy?" Hidan watched on, as the baby was cleaned and given to it's mother to hold.

Never before had he seen anything that made him want to cry. He'd even killed pregnant women before. If he was given a mission to do something, he did it without even blinking. He had always followed the ways of Jashin-sama; always done what was necessary for his own survival. Screw anyone else! But now, here in this small hospital, standing next to the child who's father he had killed… Hidan was humbled. He regretted the past deeply now. And he knew that he needed to change the future.

In the instant the baby was born, Hidan felt as if a part of himself had been reborn too. Gently, he placed a hand on the head of the infant, and stroked the fine hair that grew… Kurenai trusted him with her baby. She held him out for Hidan to take.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Hidan was very careful. He'd never held a baby before, but there was a first time for everything. He took the child from her, holding him just as his mother had. The small human looked up at him with sleepy eyes, full of wonder. "What are you going to name him?"

She hadn't really given much thought to that before. Kurenai admired the way he looked with the baby. Her son seemed to think Hidan was okay. So far, at least. She should have felt sad right now. And she was a little sad that Asuma wasn't here. How she missed him. Yet, her mind was on Hidan right now. She felt comforted by the fact that he was here, regardless of the fate of her beloved. She knew he was somewhere, smiling down on them.

"I was thinking Taiyou. It means 'Sun'. What do you think?"

"It's perfect," Hidan smiled, forgetting himself for a moment. It almost felt like it was his child that he was holding. But he snapped back to reality when he remembered that it was not. He gave the infant back to it's mother. "Not that my opinion matters much…"

"Hidan-kun…" She giggled.

"What?"

"You've stopped cursing."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was not until later that evening, when all the commotion had settled down, that they encountered a problem. Over the time since the news was spread about the baby being born, Kurenai had a lot of visitors.

Trouble didn't arise, until Shikamaru came by with a fruit basket for her. When he saw Hidan, who had yet to leave, he stalked over to him angrily. How dare he be here at the hospital with her! It wasn't right.

"…_You_!" He glared at him, and punched him, square in the jaw.

Hidan got angry now. This was a hospital, it was no place for fighting. He knew that. But he just couldn't control himself.

"Fuck you!" He grasped the young boy's hair, and used to hold him still while he punched him repeatedly. "I've had enough of your god damned shit!"

Kurenai was screaming in the background. "Stop it!" Nurses were rushing in from all side to pry them apart, but it was unsuccessful. Shikamaru finally managed to escape using his Shadow Possession Jutsu to hold Hidan in place, long enough for him to get away. But that wasn't good enough, and he used his Shadow Strangle Jutsu to try and choke Hidan. The medic nins had to pull him off Hidan.

The fight had been Shikamaru's fault. Hidan sat back down, while Kurenai gave him a talk about ignorance.

"I can't believe you, Shikamaru-san!" She yelled. "Coming here to congratulate me, an then acting like that. You're lucky I don't tell your father about this. Hidan had just as much a right to be here as you."

"Gomenasai, I'm sorry Kurenai-chan." He looked at the floor dejectedly.

"You should be."

That was all she said.

Asuma would have been proud of the ability of Hidan, Kurenai and the rest of the village to put aside their hate like this. Hell, he would have even welcomed Hidan to the village himself, if he had seen the changes in him that Kurenai had seen. Deep in her heart, she knew that. He would not have wanted all of this hate. She knew what she did was right.

Once he had visited and finally left, Kurenai looked at the silver-haired man with worried eyes. "I'm sorry, Hidan-kun."

"It's… alright. Don't worry about it," He smiled, as he came over and looked at the sleeping infant, in it's cradle beside her bed. "He's so cute. I wanted to stay here and make sure no one tried anything. But visiting hours are almost over, so I guess I'll go. When you get out of the hospital… Please… Come find me."

Kurenai watched as he took a deep breath. He looked scared. "I could never live with you. Konoha would never accept it. You saw how Shikamaru-san reacted. And besides, we'd only be a burden-"

"You fucking have to!" She blinked, shocked at his little outburst. Luckily it didn't wake the baby. He took her hand in his, and stated it again, more calmly. "You have to, Kurenai-chan…"

She didn't say anything when he pulled her closer. Soft lips pressed into her own, and both their worlds stood still. Kurenai wanted to deepen the kiss, but she knew that was wrong. And this wasn't exactly the time or place for it. But before she could do anything, Hidan's tongue delved into mouth, pushing aside any other thoughts of morals or decency. Their tongues tangled together, and they moved their lips passionately closer, almost trying to make their bodies become one through such a kiss.

Hidan pulled away, and left. "I'll see you soon."

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**A/N: I didn't realize that I was so close to the end of this fic… Wow. I hope you're enjoying this. XD This is a crazy fic. O.o Hidan stopped cussing for ze babeh!!! Ok I'm done being a silly fan girl… At least for now. Lol. I'm pretty sure Kishimoto said that he was thinking of making Kurenai's baby a girl. I think that's awesome. But in the fic I decided to make it a boy. Random decision on my part. I told you this chapter would be longer. Most likely we're looking at about 10 chapters for this fic. Maybe. Oh and I fail at fight scenes, that's why the fight wasn't longer.**

-Kaline Reine


	7. Chapter 7

**Finding Reason  
Story # 0101  
by Kaline Reine  
**  
**WARNING: This fic has a lot of things which you may find questionable, such as angst, depression, crack pairings, gore, violence, and probably lemon if you're lucky. Eventually it will get pretty graphic. There are other things but since I don't feel like typing them all out, you get what you get! Just be careful not to read if you can't handle whatever I may decide to throw your way. You have been warned.**

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto is the creator and owner of the Naruto series. I am only writing this for fun, and I make no profit from this work.

**Chapter 7:**

She'd been left dazed and confused after the kiss they had shared in the hospital three days ago. Strangely, Hidan hadn't been back to see her. But he had asked Kurenai to track him down. So that's what she would do.

He was surprised when someone was at his door. Hidan's only really friend in this village was Kurenai. She had brought her baby home from the hospital, to find that her things had been cleared out from her apartment, and the locks changed. She'd seen her furniture and things out in front of the apartment complex,

"The asshole threw your stuff out," Hidan explained to her sad look. "But I tried to save most of it for you. I brought it in already… I didn't think you'd need the sofa or furniture, really. But I did-"

"Hidan…" She smiled at him.

"Huh?"

"Thank you!"

He was shocked to feel a thin arm around his waist, holding onto him tightly. In the other, she supported the baby.

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It didn't take long for her to get settled in. Kurenai had found that she had a lot of bleeding after the birth, but that was normal. Hidan helped her with Taiyou as much as he could. The baby was a handful at times, and other times he was hardly there.

Hidan still went on his missions. He had no other choice, seeing as he would die if he had to go too long without making sacrifices. Kurenai watched the apartment for him and kept things neat while he was away. But every time, he would return to her covered in the blood of numerous fresh kills. It wasn't necessarily the best environment for her baby to grow up in. But most likely, he would become a Ninja one day too.

Taiyou had his very own room. The guest room was given to him, and Kurenai had never been happier with the arrangement. She had slept on the couch at first. But recent nights, it had been cold and she'd just wanted to know that someone was nearby.

It had taken a few months for them to fall into a somewhat normal routine. Every day they would spend lots of time together… Their relationship was more than friends, but less than lovers. Kurenai didn't feel ready so soon after losing Asuma, and Hidan wasn't sure he wanted to be tied down yet.

But the woman was sleeping in his bed, and acting every bit the part of the housewife she was slowly becoming for him. Hidan acted overly protective of both her and the baby. Kurenai had pushed Shikamaru even farther out from her life. The rest of Konoha could deal with it. It was up to them where they lived, and with whom. It was just how they felt about it.

Some mornings she would wake up to find the evil murderer hugging and cuddling with her. It was intended as playful, but sometimes this would lead to a pretty intense makeout session. And they were happening more and more frequently lately. She'd had plenty of time to heal from the birth, but Kurenai just wasn't exactly comfortable being intimate with another man for a while. Hidan hadn't pushed her at all. He'd acted indifferent and the two had never spoken about it. Not even once.

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It was early one morning, and the sun was shining lightly through the blinds. Kurenai woke up to the feeling of someone pressing their lips against her neck. Goosebumps crawled over her flesh, as she remembered who it was. Hidan was in bed with her. Fingers swept across her ribs.

"Hidan-kun, stop it!" She pried the tickling hands away, and rolled away to face him.

He found himself marveling at her close vicinity. Hidan's eyes wandered down to her lips. "Good morning… Kurenai-chan…"

They kissed, for what was probably the hundredth time. His arms held her soothingly, as his hands ghosted across her warm flesh. Hidan moaned into the kiss. It was no secret that she always got him hot and bothered. He knew that he had the same effect on her.

_ 'Why does she always keep herself from me?'_ He wondered._ 'Maybe it _is_ time we talked about it. This whole thing is just fucking weird.' _

Before he could say anything, he found that he'd gotten too lost in the kiss. Kurenai was too. She had begun to dominate the kiss, without him knowing. Her hands tangle passionately in her hair, and he held onto her as he moved over her. Their kiss went on and on, with neither of them saying anything that might ruin the moment.

"Hidan…" She moaned beneath him.

And that was all it took for him to be lost in ecstasy. Her scent, the way she looked, how she felt beneath him, everything was just too much for him. Hidan quickly realized what she wanted. He would ask no questions. He wanted to give her what he knew she was after.

That was made even more apparent, when she grasped his arousal, kneading the silky flesh beneath her palm. He groaned, and buried his face in her neck, licking and sucking and marking her as his. He bucked into her tender touch. They both knew this was wrong. Perhaps that's what made it all the more exciting.

Hidan soon lost his boxers. In the heat of the moment, he wasn't entirely certain if he had removed them or if Kurenai had done it for him. But he thought it was probably a little of both. It had been his hands, however, that removed her lingerie. Things seemed hazy, maybe even a little hurried. But Kurenai wanted it almost as bad as Hidan himself did.

Her thoughts were pure, unadulterated evil. She was thinking of what it would be like to finally have what she'd wanted all along. To not care what the rest of the world thinks. To feel his body moving so sinfully into hers, bringing her closer and closer to the peak. It was what she wanted. And if the erection digging into her thigh was anything to go by,

"A-are you sure?" He managed to ask, though he didn't really want to.

Kurenai's answer was a weak nod. She didn't have the nerve to tell him how bad she really wanted him.

Here they were, him on top of her, his pulsing organ poised just in front of her entrance. And Hidan felt like he was losing the nerve. He didn't want to corrupt this woman any more. He had already wronged her, and to wrong her again? Well that would just be horrible. The last thing he wanted was for her to be hurt. And since he wasn't sure what he wanted with her, he couldn't be certain what would happen between them in the future. His eyes seemed to tell her the Kunoichi all of this, as their gazes locked together.

Before he could pull away, Kurenai's hands had wandered down, to caress his lower back. Daring to go further still, she grabbed his muscular ass, and puled him right into her.

There. No more worries.

He was inside her, inside of _Kurenai_, and it was so hot and tight he could barely find the strength to stop himself. Hidan pulled his hips back, intent on removing his member from her orifice, but that sweet, hot feeling just wouldn't let him leave. He plunged once again into her swollen, needy depths… And found himself trapped in a world where only pleasure existed. Their limbs tangled together, their bodies pressed tight… There was no right and wrong, no good and bad, no black and white. It was only the two of them. And sex.

Hot, steamy, mind-shattering sex that neither of them could control. Kurenai moved her body in time with his from beneath him, to urge him on.

There was a broken whisper in his ear. "It's okay, Hidan."

This was followed by a moan. He took her breath away, pounding in and out of her heated, velvet core. Kurenai wanted more from him, and he gave it to her with ease. She could feel her walls tightening, that impending orgasm drawing near, that was sure to be earth-shattering. And when it came, it was the most intense thing she had ever felt.

"Ohhhh, Hidan-kun… Ah! Hidan!!!"

She screamed his name at the height of her pleasure. He did the same with hers. "Kurenai-chan…" It rolled softly off his tongue. Like a hot knife through butter, he whispered her name.

They lay panting in the after glow, content to hold each other for a while. It wasn't long before they would have to get up and face the horrors of another day. But that was life. Getting cleaned up could wait… just a few more minutes.

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Hidan and Kurenai continued to live together in peace. The village that had not been accepting of them and their strange, ironic relationship had since come around, and was treating them with dignity now.

They had decided that they wanted to stay together, as long as they could. They needed each other. It was the only thing in all of this madness that felt right at all. And little Taiyou had was growing into a very handsome young man. He seemed to take after his mother more than his father. And he had accepted Hidan as the male role model in his life. But it still wouldn't have been right for Kurenai to lie to him.

She was sure that a certain Nara would jump at the chance to tell him about his real father, someday.

-END-

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**  
A/N: I know this story didn't exactly get a lot of reads, but… I hope you will read the sequel when it comes out later on.** **I know some of you might have been looking forward to a lemon scene… I hope it didn't mess the plot up too bad. Adult scene are usually not in the last chapter of a fic, but it seemed to fit this one. It's been a while since I've done a straight sex scene. I'm not great at them, and I tend to specialize more in yaoi.**

I thought this fic would be longer, but it looks like it's over. Yeah, it ended talking about Shikamaru. My writing takes me where it takes me. And I can't force a fic to be longer if it's not going to be. I hope it was enjoyable, and I want to thank you all for reading.

-Kaline Reine


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